let your light so shine...

I stumbled on a blog today. If you have time, you should check it out if you have time.

Shine Project

What she is doing is amazing!! But she definitely reminded me about the light inside of me. It is not easy to be the only light in the darkness. It's quite lonely and often discouraging. Just last night I had an awful day at work. A day surrounded by negativity. It's so hard to stand strong in the face of such an obstacle.

I've always counted myself as a happy person. In my family, I'm the one people call when they need a pick me up. My dad once told me, you are my little star, you shine so bright, it's contagious. Don't ever stop shining on other people.

Somehow over the last few years I've lost sight of that. I miss being a happy person. I miss the exuberance for life that I once had. I realize that by simply stating this, the likelihood is that my day will be remarkably worse than yesterday, but I'm doing it.

So today will be Thankful Thursday:

1. I'm thankful for a husband who loves me deeply and wholly.

2. I'm thankful for a family that supports me through any and every dream I have

3. I'm thankful for a job that pays the bills. May not be a dream job but it's a job no less

4. I'm thankful for the few close friends that I can count on totally and completely

5. I am thankful for the light He has put in me. My ability to smile and laugh regardless of the situation.

ha! posts are funny

So last wednesday was my last post. I proclaimed a day of rest due to an extreme amount of sore located all over my body. Well guess what, this week it will be on tuesday instead :). Unfortunately my 11 hour day did not go well and it took me a few days (like 5) to get back to normal. But, a few good workouts (thanks kevin), a night of foot massages and veggie lasagna (thanks again kevin) and a disney marathon (geez I love that man I married), I'm feeling ok again. That is until my workout on sunday. Crap! Now I'm sore again. This time I'm only gonna be down for 1 day though, I'm determined!

update...

yes, today is going to be a rest day. Not only do i have to work an 11 hour day (bleh) but it actually hurts just to type. Yes, I am so sore I can barely move. So, there will be no workout today. maybe tomorrow :)

anyone seen my motivation?

so day 5. Let's Review

1. Friday - leg press, calf raises, 1.5 mile run, crunches

2. Saturday - cross fit 1/4 mile sprints, sumo squats with chest lifts

3. Sunday - rest day, walked 2 miles with duncan

4. Monday - 4 sets of rows, bi curls, tri curls, and squats

5. Tuesday - cross fit - chin ups on the pull bar, push ups, crunches, squats

so I'm using ever avenue available to motivate myself. So here's the infamous "before" picture. I know it's not the best but I'm certainly not putting up a bathing suit picture! (not that there is one to put up). So we are just gonna have to guess according to my oversized arm. Here we go...

feeling successful

a whole day to myself and what do i do?

1. dishes

2. glasstop scrubbed

3. laundry

4. workout

5. groceries

6. baking

7. toasting

8. cried at the TV

9. read

10. picked up husband

11....

phew i'm tired. Too bad today is my monday. Why is it that mondays have to come in and ruin a perfectly good "good day buzz?"

beginning to worry

for two weeks now, my stomach has been a total mess. Every time I eat something, I'm in a total body cramp within the hour. I don't eat just plain ole crap food. We like to eat fresh stuff. I drink plenty of water and no sodas. My sugar in take is drastically reduced. So I am at a loss for whats going on. I can't get into my doctor until next month and have no idea how to make it stop.

this morning was even worse. I actually woke up in the same cramp. I hadn't eaten since a peach and almonds i had around 9:30 last night. What's the deal?!?!?

help!

I know you don't actually care or have any idea what's going on, just thought I'd vent about it.

back to the grind

another day off come and gone. Back to the grind. I can understand the draw of a women to stay home with her family and feel like a great wife and mother (although my child is a 60 pound fur shedding machine). I realize I need something outside of my petite family but work just doesn't seem to do it. I'm relatively new to this "career" thing so please tell me. Is it just this job or every job that feels so ... worthless? so mundane. so empty. I realize it's not the company or the job itself, it's got to be me. I was raised with such ambition, such a desire to do something with my life.

so where to now?

catching up

Lots to cover so stay with me...

So, since I've been out of pocket for a few weeks (you can thank my job and my temporarily questionable work ethic) I thought I would catch you up on what's been on my list of favorites.

I've been trying to complete this 2011 Challenge (see previous blog) but as it turns out, I've not been doing a 5K every month. I've actually read a book a month. If you knew me at all you would know this is a serious feat for me, with my add/dyslexia. So I thought you should know what I've been able to accomplish.

Impressed? Ya, I am too. But wait, there's more. If you keep reading right now... You'll see what I have on the hook for this month....

And yes, before you ask, that is a GRE prep book. I am once again considering Grad school. Why? When I figure that out, I'll post about it.

And finally, my new favorite dog toy. Ok so it's not a toy for a dog, it's a toy for a human having to do with a dog. Before you get freaked out, please let me explain. Even though our sweet little boy is a beautiful short-haired... whatever he is. We still cannot seem to keep up with his constant shedding. I mean seriously, we vacuum twice a week and still have to empty (we love our perfect dyson!!) the barrel 5 times for our 1 bedroom apartment. (what am I going to do when we live in a house with children?!?!!?) The solution? Meet the Furminator!!!!!

and the best part, Duncan loves it!! It's like getting his back scratched for a full hour. Talk about a two-for!!! He gets scratched and attention, I get rid of the mounds of hair equalling a large hamster every week. Don't believe me...

aaaaaaaaaaand, that is just one sitting of about 45 minutes. No trick photography or exaggerating! the millers fully support the Furminator!

oh the power of baking soda

So all you super hero moms out there probably already knew about this magic mommy dust but I gotta tell ya, it's news to me. And oh what headlines it has made.

"baking soda and water mixture makes glass-top sparkle"

"soak out the stench of just about everything"

"what you've never cleaned your ipod workout case... where's the baking soda?"

"bath tub +baking soda = pristine comforter"

yup. All in a week. so I now have a top 3 cleaning devices...

1. Magic Eraser

2. Dyson

3. Baking Soda

thank you Anna for the life lessons that have taught me to manage living with a boy :) Check her out at her blog

http://www.askannamoseley.com/

A piece of me

I'm not sure why, but the Caylee Anthony case has struck such a deep chord in me. That poor little girl went through so much. so much that we will never even know. I know she is in a better place being loved and held by the God I know . Years ago, my father wrote a beautiful poem. He never got to finish it because he lost his fight with cancer, but in such a dark hour, I fully believe it is still true. So, from the deepest part of my heart, where I keep my dad, here are the words from his heart.

You’ll See When You Get Here

Ken Maddox

February 19, 2005

Our Father’s ways are far above what we can understand

And often we may question the working of His hand

But we can trust His faithfulness, we never have to fear

His plans are always for our good. You’ll see when you get here

I don’t know why the Father chose to take me home this way

Before I had a chance to live and grow and run and play

But being in His presence, there’s no sadness and no tears

Everyone here is so happy. You’ll see when you get here.

Heaven is so very wonderful, and beautiful to see

It’s great to be with Jesus, and hear Him speak to me

And there’s no pain, and no disease, no anger and no fear

There’s only light, and joy and peace, you’ll see when you get here

And though you may sometimes feel that we’re so very far apart

I know that you will always love me and keep me in your heart

For now that I’m in heaven, I see you all so clear

It’s as if we were together. You’ll see when you get here!

The Father had a place prepared. It was something to behold

A mansion of my very own beside a street of gold

A lot of folks here told me that you all were so dear

And they are waiting for you. You’ll see when you get here.

And you won’t feel the sense of loss that’s hurting you today.

Because eternity will have begun and time will have passed away.

And you and I will be together with all who we hold dear

And we’ll never be apart again. You’ll see when you get here.

lost art of letters

It's such a shame that going to the mailbox is a chore. I mean all that is in there is bills and credit card offers. Right? well, I'm going to change that. I want to bring back the art of letter writing. Such a small joy that brings when you discover someone has taken the time to hand write a letter. Ah! Why don't more people do it? I know we are all busy and have 1000 things to do in a day. But every now and then, why not write a letter or two?

See what happens :)

very disappointed

So I found a great recipe for granola bars this week... too bad it's higher in fat and calories then the processed packaged ones we buy currently. that is so disappointing. Well, I guess it is comforting that we are choosing wisely but... still. How strange

i will never understand

there are certain things in life that i will never understand. Child-neglect, infidelity, and laziness.

I will not discuss the first two. They are not the point. But allow me just a moment to vent.

When I began my journey in the pageant world, I immediately took to the interview portion. As any pageant girl knows, there are a few question you WILL be asked in an interview. It is just a certainty.

1. What will you do as Miss ______ to further your platform.

2. Why should you be Miss ______

3. What sets you apart from the other contestants.

It is the third question that I enjoyed the most. I felt my directors (both kim and krisna) had prepared me completely for this question. They imparted to me a deep respect for the responsibility and honor of being crowned. So I could answer this question with honesty. "I believe I am the right fit for this job because I understand the weight of the responsibility. I do not take this job flippantly but with a great amount of humility and sincerity. I have the knowledge and experience to fulfill the obligations as well as the drive to learn how to perfect my position."

That sense of responsibility and honor carries through to every interview I have ever had. When I applied for my latest position, I went in humbly and stated that I understood the rules of my position and the responsibility to give my very best because this job is not an entitlement it is an opportunity.

Why is this a foreign concept? Why am I the only person that seems to grasp this concept. I understand people become jaded over time, but this is ridiculous. Please remember, you HAVE a job! How many people in the US (alone) would kill for your position?

You are not a martyr. you get paid to do your job. So do your job!! Don't try to squeak by with the bare minimum! And PLEASE do not try to pull one over on me because you are too lazy to finish the job. That is unacceptable. I'm not asking for miracles, I'm asking for the norm.

I suppose, ultimately, I'm asking for integrity. For you to do what you have said you will do and do it well. So why do you look at me as though I'm speaking greek?

So frustrated.

success!!

vacuum... check

dust... check

windex... check

bills... check

shopping... check

new shoes.... check

healthy chili... check

nails... check

happy husband.... SUCCESS!!!

dull

I miss my many creative outlets. The only thing I seem to have now is reading. While that is relaxing it is not invigorating. Running wasn't working, cooking is in no way "fun" for me... what else is there? Should I take up knitting? How bout scrap-booking?

need some inspiration

I'm in the mood to cook/bake. I'd love some new ideas for healthy cooking. Help me out, what is your favorite recipe?

finally summer

well it would appear that summer has finally arrived. Just a few photos to make you wish your city was as cool as mine :)

a perfect chicago evening

as much as i am DYING to get back to florida and what i call normal... tonight is the type of night that could make me think twice.

a beautiful walk down the river to the lake (which I always want to call the ocean... it's just HUGE), sushi and a cold beer on the docks and a leisurely stroll back to the house. Yup it was pretty perfect.

I understand, I would be jealous if I were you. :)

Just kidding! what did you do today?

no let up from this bug yet

I thought maybe I could kick this thing but yesterday at work...

Sweet little came hobbling in on her newly-discovered legs holding the single finger of her mom. Blonde hair perfectly over-sized hazel eyes and one seriously beaming smile. So cute.

so in true "insider" fashion I located one of our stock stuffed animals and brought it out to her. Ha, oddly enough, she was more interested in my fancy bracelets then in the cute purple fish I was offering.

We played and laughed for a while playing the traditional "pass the toy" that children her age seem to love. She seemed to be the only bright spot in an otherwise *#$&y day. Just when I thought I was crawling out of the deep dark whole I was in (mentally), her mother laughed again at the sweet child and then offered, "you know, you are going to make a great mother some day."

and let the tears begin. I have no idea why I reacted that way. Maybe it was the already emotionally draining day, maybe I hadn't slept well enough, maybe it was PMS. In any case, I was done. Of course I didn't lose it in front of the guests, that's not cool, but man I died inside.

So much for beating the bug

Bug-10 Amy-0

tragically

I appear to have been bitten by a bug. So many cute websites for little ones and all there sweetness...

Not good. We are soooo not ready for children and yet...

I honestly do not wish to raise my children in Chicago. I want to be back in the south where they can learn "Yes Ma'am and No Sir" like second nature. But...

No I'm not pregnant. But would it be an all-together bad thing?

I need to watch supernanny for a while. Maybe this bug will go away!

it's magic

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is true to it's namesake. It's pure magic! although I begrudge the need to get on all fours and scrub the oil and grease off my kitchen floor, my hatred lessened at the realization that I had a box of the little scrubber pads of glory.

I know this post is utterly pointless, but that's what is on my brain. Thank you Mr. Clean!!

not so much going on

So my life has been pretty standard for the last few weeks. Work, sleep, work, sleep, date night, work, sleep. Somewhere in that timeline, I started back into a reading kick. Here are my recent thoughts.

1. Potato-peel Pie Reading Society, although interesting, not interesting enough to hold my attention. Maybe I'll be in the mood for it later.

2. Julie/Julia never gets old

3. Neither does The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks

4. Something borrowed, although I haven't seen the movie, I'm convinced it cannot be as good as the book. Even though I can only see Ginnifer Goodwin as the main character.

5. Just starting Something blue. I hope it's as good as the first.

6. Morning Glory. Next in line. I am on a quest to read the book versions of all the movies I love.

What are you reading?!

April is done, May in progress

Here's the update on the 2011 Challenge

April was the kick-off. It started with kevin informing me we were running the "Run to Remember" for fallen officers. Too bad he only gave me about a weeks notice. Did I mention I wasn't working out at all at that point? Yea, not good. But it's for a good cause and so we did it. Here's the proof. (please ignore my uber red face, I look like this after I walk up the stairs. I love being Irish)

Then for May we did something a little different. My hotel requires its employees to do at least 2 community events a year. (sounds harsh but with my church background, this really is not asking a lot) So we signed up for the "Bark in the Park" hosted by the Anti-cruelty society. Clearly this is something near and dear to us. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of me with duncan yet, Gina hasn't sent it to me. But, I did swipe this one of Kevin and Duncan halfway through the 5k. Duncan decided that 60 degrees outside was just too hot and he needed a dip in the lake. Please note, this dog was born and raised in Florida and not one time went in the water there. That dog is so weird!

2011 Charity Run Challenge

Being in desperate need of a goal and something to strive for, I have officially begun my 2011 challenge. I used to workout regularly while training for pageants. These days, though, it's a burden to walk to the bus stop. I know that sounds horrible but since our wedding in November, my life has been upside-down.

This past saturday, my husband signed me up for the "Run to Remember" 5k for fallen law enforcement. Something clicked. I had a new challenge.

Although it is not May, I haven't yet decided if this challenge will run for 12 months or just the 2011 calendar year.

So, help is needed. There are a couple ways to help.

1. Run with me. I know that sounds crazy but accountability is the best form of support for someone who struggles with motivation. You don't have to come to chicago to run, although if you want to, I have a fabulous couch to crash on. :) You can also run where you are and send me your stories.

2. Sponsor a run. The entrance fees don't sound like an extreme amount of money but believe me it starts to add up. Send me a message and I can let you know which runs I'm planning to do. Or, if there is one you would like to do but can't I will try to do it for you, just send me the info.

3. Donate. I honestly cannot wrap my head around running for the sake of running. So my 5ks will all be in support of a charity. the majority of them will be for cancer research since it is so close to my heart. Send me a message and I'll send you the link for which organizations I will be running for.

I really hope you will support me in whatever way possible.

thoughts for the day

I actually really enjoyed the 5K yesterday. My husband ran the whole thing alongside of me , instead far ahead of me.

If you have been through puberty or high school, you are no longer allowed to wear the plaid catholic skirt. It's not attractive, it's trashy.

Customer service is a tough industry. No one is happy and everyone wants everything for free; even those in the service industry

I once thought I was a very outgoing person. I think it changes as one gets older. Now I just don't like people.

I miss my mom. My home town.

kevin makes an awesome tomato sauce.

a terrible person?!

When we first arrived in Chicago we knew that we would be here for a minimum of 5 years. so getting my Illinois license was a must. I had no choice. Surprisingly, the sweet little old lady that helped me was an absolute delight. Unassumingly she checked the box "donor" without even asking me. As I skimmed the form to ensure the information was correct, I caught the error. When I mentioned it, she said "Oh don't worry, I'll change it before your license gets printed."

Turns out that sweet little old lady was a dirty liar.

So now I have received a letter thanking me and congratulating me on my decision to become an organ donor.

Oh crap.

I emailed the office, since they NEVER answer their phone. and received the following response back...

"Dear Ms. Miller,

We have received your request to have your name removed from the Secretary of State's Organ/Tissue Donor Registry. While we are sad about your decision, you may be assured that your wishes will be honored.

We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused."

Seriously?! So now I'm making unknown people sad? This is awesome. now I feel like a terrible person.

how did i get here?

chicago, 2011.

10:35 pm

my place of employment (which will remain un-named)

3 customers stand at my desk waiting to be told just how long it will take them the walk to the two blocks to the restaurant I suggested just moment before. (along with a helpful map and specific directions) my cell phone vibrates quietly. My husband's smiling face glares at me from the picture we took at disney and is now his photo when he calls. I know he's waiting in the drive along with our beautiful boy duncan (the dog).

10:40pm

finally slump down in the seat of our perfect little car. Duncan licks my face pleasantly as we begin our short trek home. Although kevin is not happy about coming to pick me up, he is happy that I informed him about the 2 muggings that took place on my hotel's street the night before.

10:50

elevator to our apartment. Neighbor hops on and invites us to the club room to watch "the game." side bar, we live in a city with many professional sports teams. Kevin and I occasionally enjoy a baseball game, he always enjoys a soccer game, and we LOVE football. But I am savvy enough to know, none of those things were happening tonight. (back to the story) "I think its hockey," kevin states as we enter our apartment. "hockey? seriously? We are not good northerners," I retort.

12:10 am

game over. Chicago lost. Still don't care about hockey. laying next to my husband in our wonderful bed. I realize, I'm so stinking lucky.

my very best friend and husband - check

apartment I love - check

job I'm actually good at - check

cutest dog in the world - check

12:15 am

completely content. absolutely no complaints

Another Day

Another day of gloomy skies. How I pine after the sunshine I once knew. As a child I resented the onslaught of bitter tourist who crowded my beaches. As a teenager I secretly screamed at the out of state drivers that clogged my new-found roads of freedom. As a college student I sought my silent revenge by pouring regular coffee when the cheap, low-tipping-snowbirds would request decaf. Ha! I'll show you!!

(side note, a 10% tip is roughly equal to a D+ in school; 15% tip, to a C+; 20% is a B or maybe an A-; anything above that means excellence!)

Sadly, I suppose the joke is on me. Today, April 22, 2011 I sit in this gloomy northern city longing for the beautiful white sands of my youth. the sting of a (mild) sunburn, the smell of cocoa butter and aloe. What I would't give to spend the entire day in my bathing suit (even under my work clothes) because I know I will clock out and be on a towel in under 15 minutes.

in short...

Dear Chicago,

you suck from November to May.

sincerely,

Shivering in Chicago

mommy-gene

so here's some jeopardy info for you

Toxic levels of Iron in a dog are 50mg per kg. So for our "sweet little boy" that would be about 500 mg.

how did i learn this, you might ask? Oh that's simple. Our "sweet little boy" decided that my iron supplement looked delicious. It was at this moment I suddenly realized (though to a much smaller degree) what a mother feels like when her child finds his way to the cleaning supplies.

there was scolding, hugging, an attempt at inducing vomit (it only worked on me), and finally a stifled call to the vet. Thankfully our "sweet little boy" only ingested 65mg so we are safe.

lessons learned for he day...

1. regardless of teaching, training or awful stench dogs will ingest anything

2. dogs do not have an auto-gag button

3. I can be a good mommy, if I can ever learn to put things out of reach

4. Speed dial is my friend

so many thoughts....

yes, so many thoughts, in fact, that I thought a glimpse into my inner dialogue might amuse you... (yes i say dialogue, because I do actually answer myself)

"Ugh kevin's alarm went off."

"I hate morning"

"just a few more minutes of sleep. I don't have to be at work until 3"

"i should go workout"

"(sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, cough) maybe I'll workout tomorrow"

"coffee"

"did he take the dog out? oh, i hope he did. It's so cold outside"

"It's freaking april, why is it still snowing?"

"just 4 years and we can go back to florida."

"coffee"

"i miss the beach"

"i really should go to the gym, so i can go to the beach. It'll take me 4 years to get back in a bathing suit!"

"coffee"

"(sneeze)"

"stupid weather. let's see if I can be sick every month this year. That's a great record for your first year of marriage"

"he made coffee. I love that man"

"why did we get a one bed/one bath. Sometimes I don't love that man"

"good day chicago, they need to rename that show because it's never good news"

"$6 for a gallon of gas?!?!?! seriously?!?"

"what am i gonna wear today?"

"jeeze amy, GO TO THE GYM!!"

"what time is my bus?"

"crap, I gotta go"

the best part is, if you know me at all, I usually don't speak before my second cup of coffee. So all of this goes on in my head while I sit in silence on the couch next to my husband. He's not a morning person but he's much closer on the spectrum then I will ever be. So he's usually pretty perky in the AM which of course is utterly annoying.

anybody relate?

a beautiful year come and gone

I'm not totally sure why I've been so sentimental the past few days. Maybe its too much benadryl for this stupid cold . At any rate, I'm trying to focus today.

March 4, 2011. Exactly one week until the day I turn 27. While some people in my life are verging on total mental breakdown due to pending change of age bracket; I seem to be increasing my gratitude for the events of my last few years.

It's amazing to me that I can go for weeks without thinking about my dad then all at once I'm a puddle with grief over his absence. yes, this week has been particularly difficult in regards to him. Although, something new is happening. I will spend a short amount of time aching for his company but it is now usually followed by an ever so quiet feeling of his joy and love. It's he's (both important "He" in my life) saying he is proud of me and he (they) love me. My life looks nothing like I thought it would while dad was still here. However, I somehow feel like he would be supremely proud of where I am. That makes my day.

So today, one week before the day he first held me and told me how much he loved me, I am feeling all of that love and affection all over again. Today is a good day.

so how bout a quick job down memory lane?

I LOVE YOU DAD!!